Handling Peer Pressure

I was an introvert until my college days—or maybe even during the early years of my corporate life. I had the habit of showing off! Not intentionally, but naturally. Can you relate to someone in your life—either from the past or just today?

I used to finish my assignments first, use colorful sketches to present my papers beautifully, and was always on time. I never missed deadlines. After my #12thskip and finishing my diploma in Computer Technology, I missed the chance to join NIT Trichy due to the caste reservation system. I wasn’t entirely happy with joining PSG Tech for a BE in Computer Science. On the day of admission to PSG Tech, I met my friend Viswa, who was also a #12thskip from Madurai. I scored 98.3% in my diploma program, securing 4th place statewide among circuit branches. Viswa, an artist, was an intelligent and caring friend who also had over 95% marks in his diploma.

During that time, I was showing off my knowledge in Java, Computer Architecture—this and that! Viswa became very quiet after a while. After finishing the formalities of paying just ~₹2000 as an admission fee, his father came to me and said something I didn’t understand at the time: “Thambi (kid), my son is feeling pressured. Please consider what others are going through.”

Now, 26 years later, I’m writing this for the newer generations who may also be feeling constant pressure—peer pressure. I see many kids feeling compelled to do something just because someone else is doing it. Sadly, I see many parents falling into the same trap. Recently, a few of my friends, Chakra and Sambu (in the USA), mentioned that their children—who are in 6th to 8th grade—are being pressured because other parents are preparing their kids for MIT. They feel like they have to motivate their kids in the same way. I’m sure you get where I’m going with this…

I would prefer to prepare myself to handle peer pressure by planning ahead:

Steps to Plan Ahead

1. Identify Situations: Think about scenarios where you might face peer pressure (e.g., parties, social gatherings, school events, or when meeting your cousins or their parents who are of the same age group).
2. 2. Know Your Boundaries: Decide in advance what you are comfortable with and what you’re not.
3. Practice Responses: Rehearse what you’ll say in different situations.
4. Have an Exit Strategy: Plan how to leave a situation if you feel uncomfortable.
5. Seek Support: Let a trusted friend or family member know your plan so they can support you.

Typical Responses You Can Practice

• Simple Refusal:
  • “No, thanks.”
  • “I’m not interested.”
• Give a Reason:
  • “I can’t, I have other plans.”
  • “I don’t feel comfortable doing that.”
• Suggest an Alternative:
  • “How about we do something else instead?”
  • “Let’s try something different.”
• Use Humor:
  • “Nope, my mom would ask me to make dosa for her!”
  • “I’m allergic to trouble.”
• Repeat Yourself:
  • “No, really, I’m good.”
  • “I said no, thanks.”
• Change the Subject:
  • “Hey, did you see that new movie?”
  • “What do you think about the game last night?”

Reflecting on Peer Pressure

In the examples I shared earlier:

Viswa could have told me, “Madan, good job, da. Let’s go to the hostel and spend time, da.” (changing the topic)

Samba or Chakra could have told their kids’ parents, “Let’s live in the present, da. Time will come. Let’s relax.”

What would you do, my friend? Peer pressure is inevitable, but we can always handle it with the right mindset and strategies.

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